it's about that time...

[BoM]

I guess it's time I wrote something, as everyone is expecting me to do so. To be honest, I had half a thought to not write anything and just ghost the whole place. Really savage, I know, but it's just where my head was at. I'm not sad or remorseful, but there is something so gripping about this place that makes it hard to leave even when you're ready. I've thought of a few different ways to write this...how best to send off my last big address to all you gamers and degenerates, but honestly for me there isn't much to say. I've been here as a BD for almost two years now, and I think I was another 6 months active prior to that on top of the few of you I've known from the old days, and that's given me a lot to think about and a lot that I've seen.

I think a lot of people get BD and have an agenda or have some big thing they want to fix and then they do it and they are gone. I never quite understood that, as when I looked up to BDs I always simply saw them as leaders of the community - something that will never not be needed. Coming back to this place from 4-5 years away and seeing BD as the integral leadership role set me up to try and take on the role without an agenda or really a purpose. For a long time that's all it really was for me, a job where I had to provide some leadership and do a bunch of tasks every day/week/month. Sure there are of course benefits and clout of being BD, but those fade quickly especially when the turnover of players/staff greatly outweighs your tenure here...meaning every 3-6 months there were new faces who really didn't care what color your name was.

Looking back on my first year as BD, I think of it all as me really just spending a lot of time getting to know the place better and understand what it needed from me. Again, I went in thinking/knowing it at the very least needed some kind of leadership...but that's so generic and only got me so far. You go to meetings, you boss people around, you promote/demote, you do your tasks, then you work on your own projects. At some point during that repeat loop of monotony I was getting asked a lot by @ello what exactly my goal was...what was I doing here. I explained to her, best I could, that I wanted to keep this place going because it helped me when I was just some kid in high school and I wanted to make sure it lived on to be there for the kids I saw going through all the same shit I went through.

Sometime during all this, Covid hit...fucking covid man...what a nightmare. Thankfully, and honestly somewhat to my surprise, everybody here really rallied together and leaned on each other in ways I didn't expect. Understandably, everyone was hurting and struggling with the reality of covid and more so the reality of being in this social lock down where we could only interact with each other online. It was during this time that I began to see a different future for SG, one that didn't require a mass amount of servers or an unhealthy obsession over our server ranks, but one where we could just gather together as group(s) of gamers and play some shit. FiveM, Among Us, Fall Guys, SCP, Crab Game, tons of Minecraft, and on and on...and every time you guys would all show up and have a great time just hanging out and playing games. All you needed was a little push and a platform to do it on and you just ran with the rest of it...was honestly amazing to watch.

 

Unfortunately, as is the case around here...drama comes to a head from time to time and I have been the heavy hand to deal with that drama on many occasions over the past 2+ years, but along the way those demoted or banned began to all sing the same tune. In BD chat it's a sort of 'oh that's what they all say' and 'oh everyone hates the BDs eventually'...but to me, surprisingly, it slowly became the one thing I really cared about. I no longer cared about the tasks or the promoting and demoting or going to monthly meetings...worrying about what you guys were saying to me became more important. I learned to listen to what the some of the banned and demoted people had to say, what the ex- staff who had worked closely with us had to say, and most importantly I learned to listen to the average player...the inevitable lifeblood of this community. 

What'd I learn? Well it was quite simple...everyone just wants to be heard...and even more than that they mostly just want to see this place moving and doing something. It doesn't have to be big CSGO things, it doesn't have to be big expansion to new games, they just want there to be something to do and something to talk about. The people who really stick around nowadays are here for anything but CSGO, they are just here to chat and gather groups of people to play whatever is fun that week or that month. Honestly, that's okay. It's okay to not want to play on the servers or be CSGO focused, it's okay to just want this place to be a fun place to hang out with your friends. It's also okay to love the servers and want to poor all your efforts into that too. Just respect that everyone isn't here for exactly the same thing, but we are all here to hang out and have a good time with each other.

 

I spent the last...probably 6 months of my time here trying to understand all this....understand where you all were coming from...and build a new base that those after me can hopefully build off of. I worked my ass off to rebuild the bridge between BD and community (and even BD and staff) and create new ways that we can all come together and interact with each other. Everyone that has worked with me and really spoke up about the issues we have/had here allowed me to see this place more and more clearly and understand what it was missing. My one hope, my one wish, is that everyone keeps building on the community...the player interactions. Nothing else matters...not what game you are playing, not what the weekly drama is, or any of that...just getting a group of nerds together on the internet and playing a game...having fun and making a memory out of it.

There are things I started that I did not finish, but fear not...I know it wasn't always easy to see but @crazedkangaroohas been really involved in all the things I've brought up and created in terms of community fun with discord improvements (also @AcerI guess ), consistent community meetings, community feedback, the council (name pending), and a bunch of other cool things. I'll probably still ghost write his posts because he sucks at that and we'll all be good. I'm sorry I didn't get to stick around and see all this stuff through and honestly my reasons for leaving are cumulative rather than one specific thing. I of course am tired...the last 6 months have not been easy on me mentally here...being the 'BD spokesperson' as it's been coined meant getting all the good, but also all the critiques and in some cases just shit throwing. I'd like to think I did my best to keep things civil, even if some might comment that threads were locked unnecessarily. Idk...call your lawyer.

I'll put in on record here and say I am not leaving because of any beef or Caution or any of that. I've been thinking about it for a few weeks and it just finally came to a head when me and Caution were talking. Him and me going back and forth is nothing new...been doing it for a long ass time now. We both have our ways we want to lead different parts of the community and growth and when we disagree we debate and argue and come to a conclusion. Only this time...I realized I was done...cooked. I didn't have it in me to keep up the fight for how I wanted this place to be, because I guess I'd just done what I had came to do. I have other shit in my life now guys, there is a hot ass MILF of a girlfriend (SHOUTOUT @ello) that is ready to start a new chapter with me, work is chaotic as ever, and I've found new things I want to do with my free time that help keep my mental health in check. It's just time for me to go.

It's time for the list...in no particular order:

@Black Rain The work wife. Love you girl
@crazedkangarooMy loyal confidant. Love you too
@Greggy GThe jester. Only hate for you
@Nishok& @TheVirusMy oldest friends
@Caution@GatorSuper AFK but I respect the grind
@fantastic@ManiacHonestly loved working with you guys, great people to know.
@Creten& @HawksCreten you got me back into this place and pushed me to do shit and hawks you kept me motivated when I thought I had no energy left to keep going.
@TheZZL@20 scrolls@Mikey.@Chadand all the others I hounded on to act better...be better. You did good. I'm proud of you guys.
@delirium& @kabLeI know our goals and visions shifted apart from each other, but you guys always had my back on shit. Big respect.
@Ph3onix@Strayyz The MOTHERFUCKIN comeback kids. I know there are others but you guys are the OG.
@Infinityward@KopstaWe will still game together when IW gives up nights.
@Error.@rygor@Poke The don't make fun of my [        ] crew. These guys are honest and will get 10/10 wives someday. (husband for rygor)
@Steven.@Dom@le victim@gween@Nolan@Astral@A Decently Paid Janitor@EasterpinkObligatory slime shoutout
@Gentoo@bat@BoochPlease leave and never come back
@Acerspecial shoutout. This guy works his fucking ass off and if he ever leaves we are all doomed.
@Charliere@Carlito@Liam Brown@Dreamz@thuxys@Valk@Zero Two@ThRza@Asher@Leon Mordecai@ImHunterIRL@BoToBLANKET STAFF SHOUTOUT to any and all past and present. Enjoyed working with everyone who was willing to step up when we needed it.

Idk I hope I got everyone, it's hard to remember all the faces from the last 2.5 years but this is a good list. I'll stick around for a week or two to make sure I pass off any info if needed and what not, but after that I'll be on to other stuff....

Love you guys.

[Steven.]

ur so hot 

[Easterpink]

cannaboys 4 life

[Gentoo]

Goodbye and Good riddance, enjoy your time off the internet, king 

[Dominic]

Another fallen BD spokesperson

[Dom]

[Acer]

Its been more than fun  Thank you for messaging me back every time it was dead of night and I was too energetic for my own health. I am going to miss messaging you every day with a new task, asking your opinion on things, or even when I just looking to chat for a bit.

 

Thank you for believing in my always no matter how crazy the request I asked was... because I know they could get quite crazy at times

 

Please wish @crazedkangaroo some luck as I slowly diminish his mental health when I ask for something to get fixed a few minutes before it goes live.

 

I promise I will work on my time management, hopefully I'll still see you around  

 

And just remember if you need anything shittly coded while im on a sleep deprived high trying to bodge something that at least resembles a working program, I always got time to fit in my favorite milf lover, fellow CT enjoyer, and absolute tarkov chad.

 

Stay safe out there : )

[Poke]

21 minutes ago, BoM said:

@Error.@rygor@Poke The don't make fun of my [        ] crew. These guys are honest and will get 10/10 wives someday. (husband for rygor)

[Kopsta]

 

[20 scrolls]

Bom, from the start of my CA time to now, you have gone from my most hated person in SG, to one of my favorite BDs ever. Honestly without you I don't think I would have made it past CA. It's not a complete goodbye because you are part of the same discord you swore to get rid of, but I will miss having you in staff.

 

You can kill the man, you cannot kill the idea.

Spoiler