[NSFW] FML

[Psyche]

This site fucking rocks, check it out!

 

Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor... and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML

 

I would get the fuck out of there.

[SATAN]

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "Be my baby's daddy!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

 

 

aww beat me to it

[Irish]

omg this is funny

[bethy]

This site fucking rocks, check it out!

 

Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor... and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML

 

LOL.

Sorry, just noticed this one.

[Creeping Death]

I laugh at some of the shit people bitch about

[Eldest]

Today, on the 6 train home, I had a gun placed against the back of my head and my wallet, watch, and iPod stolen. As soon as the robber got what he wanted, he turned and ran, dropping his weapon to the ground... I got mugged by a man wielding a fucking Pez dispenser. FML

DAMN, LOL.

[Paladin]

Today, I arrived at my parents house for dinner. When I got there, I noticed that they had gay pride flags hanging from the porch, and gay rights bumper stickers plastered to their cars. There was also a huge "We accept you, Nick" banner hanging from the garage. I'M NOT GAY! FML

 

Today, I was sleeping because I had been sick. The closest bathroom to mine is the one in my parents room. I wake up and feel like I have to throw up, I run into my parents room to go to the bathroom. I walk in on my parents having sex. Shocked, I gasp for air then throw up all over their bed. FML

 

Talk about mood killers xD

 

"ITS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE DADDY IS NOT HURTING MOMMY.." *Blleeaaargh* "EWWWWWWWWW"

['BEANIE]

OMFG LOL

 

"Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML"