Why many Americans think Soccer/Football is for pussies

[trakaill]

tltr

[Lux]

This from the Philadelphia Enquirer sums up my feelings:

 

More Americans should watch the World Cup. If you're still part of The Resistance - doing what you believe is important work on behalf of God and Country to ignore the event and fight the globalization of the sport - you're missing out.

 

Most of the time, our collective anti-soccer sentiment is justified. Here at home, we're exposed to the MLS, a weak product of insufficient entertainment value. The best professional soccer gets played in Europe, a continent we've long suspected is run by clove-smoking pacifists and closet communists. Unless Europeans adopt the death penalty and start driving gas-guzzling SUVs to curry favor, it's unlikely we'll trust them or embrace their favorite pastime.

 

The World Cup, though, is different from everyday soccer. For starters, the quadrennial spectacle encourages fans to consume lots of booze and swathe themselves in their respective national flags. That's our sort of bash. If there's anything at which Americans excel, it's getting blind drunk in the interest of jingoism. We've been the world leaders in inebriated patriotism for decades. U-S-A, U-S-A.

 

Alas, we are not the world leaders in soccer or futbol or whatever it is you want to call the sport where the players stubbornly refuse to pick up the ball despite having arms and hands and working opposable thumbs (except on throw-ins, of course). Entering the 2010 World Cup, the United States, the most powerful and influential nation on earth, was ranked 14th by FIFA, the sport's international governing body. Chanting "We're No. 14" lacks the lyrical appeal of "We're No. 1" and often fails to intimidate opponents. (We'll see how Algeria responds Wednesday when the Americans try to advance with a win in the third and final match in group play.)

 

The fact that we don't dominate the sport and likely never will is a turn-off for some Americans. That's exactly the wrong way to look at the World Cup. It is our lack of supremacy that actually makes the affair so enjoyable. It's counterintuitive but true.

 

While fans from other nations sweat every moment and end up crushed if their country doesn't win it all, we're all acutely aware that no team with a player named Donovan will win anything significant. The U.S. team is inadequate relative to the top competition, and so there's no real pressure on the players or us. It's liberating. It frees us up to enjoy the party we crash every four years and make fun of the other guests while we dance with their women.

 

There's ample opportunity for mocking others at the World Cup. If you haven't paid attention yet but you're into that sort of thing, the Argentines are a good group to check out. They're incredibly skilled. They also have some of the longest, craziest hair you'll ever see, which makes some of them look the Euro trash terrorists who tried to take over Nakatomi Plaza in Die Hard.

 

Even better, they're coached by Diego Maradona. He used to be one of the best players in soccer. Now he's little more than a volatile swear-word loving narcissist who's desperately clinging to what's left of his celebrity. He's sort of like the Argentine version of Ozzie Guillen - if Ozzie wore shiny suits that look as if he bought them on the cheap at an MC Hammer/IRS tax-evasion auction.

 

At least Argentina has played well. Some of the other traditional powers have struggled at times. Spain lost to Switzerland, which was a tough thing to do since the Swiss hate to battle anyone and probably would have rather the game ended in a tie. The English side embarrassed its fans with two lackluster games to start group play, and the defending-champion Italians were shamed by their draw with always underwhelming New Zealand. Plenty of material there.

 

Then there's France, which had an epic meltdown that included a team mutiny when the players refused to practice after the captain got in a tiff with the coach and trainer. You can find the video online. It's hilarious. At the end, the trainer stormed off in a huff, took the whistle from around his neck, and threw it as far as he could (which wasn't very far). It couldn't have been funnier if he had been wearing a beret and then kicked a giant wheel of cheese or, failing that, Nicolas Sarkozy.

 

But here's the best part about the World Cup: No matter how new you are to it, you can still pass yourself off as an authority. During casual conversation, preferably at a pub where futbol is being shown, say things like "match" instead of "game," "nil" instead of "zero" and "keeper" instead of "goalie." Remind your friends that the clock counts up rather than ticking down and that the players get "sent off" not "ejected." Presto: you can claim you've been into the World Cup forever without anyone knowing the difference since the number of international soccer experts in the States is equal to the number of people who understand quantum physics or how Lady Gaga became famous.

 

For extra pitch cred, periodically scream out that someone was offsides or that the ref really botched a call. No one will call you a liar.

 

A bit naive but meh.......maybe he's just downgrading himself for his American audience.

[Lux]

 

What a pussy Torres is if Chile never had that man sent off they might've won.

[SATAN]

 

What a pussy Torres is if Chile never had that man sent off they might've won.

 

Well he was VERY lucky to not get sent off a while before that, I couldn't believe he didn't get his 2nd yellow on that other foul.

[Razaroth]

Saw another great example of how to ruin what was a decent game today.

 

Watching Brasil winning 3-0 start pulling that shit (Why when you already have the game locked do you start that shit?) And then to have Kaká get red carded when the Ivory Coast player does the same thing and is holding his face when he get's a forearm to the chest. WTF?

 

Shit like this gives futebol/soccer/football whatever the fuck you want to call it.. a bad rep. I really enjoy watching soccer and have been a fan of "a Selecão Brasilera" for many many years. But when crap like this happens it ruins it for the fans and makes the players involved look like total douche bags.

 

its part of the game. same with the people that fall over every time theyre tapped, and the people who fall over for no reason. its very sad that people do that, but its a strategy/nationality thing. im not very good with the regular season, but i know when you watch world cup, there are the nations that are -VERY- physical, and the nations that are delicate, and the nations that shoot on goal, and the nations that powerhouse shots that everytime either score, or go miles over the goal. the best part of the world cup for me, is watching a team like germany (cold, and calculating decisions) play against argentina (passionate, skilled).

 

the fact is, if you watch every pass / setup and understand how strategic and skilled the game of 'soccer' is, youll appreciate it. american or not. the way they play a couple of short passes to get the pall for a cross is just amazing. if youre european and dont understand what the americans are saying, sit down one time and watch one of the american league games. then, youll understand. i watched a couple, and it sometimes still looks like a bunch of 5 year olds fighting over the ball.

 

edit: that entire rant wasnt just for you Itch. i do agree with you, a LOT of fouls are wrong or uncalled. that red card from the ivory coast game made me shut it off.

[[AP3X.]]

5xLn-X8YJRg

 

Atleast we dont handle balls with our hands and tackle for it we kick it away.

[Tweezy]

Stop with the bumping...

[Lux]

This is why many SG Gamers think bumping is for pussies.