My final thoughts

[eXtr3m3]

I know what you're all thinking - "Jeez, this guy alone has resigned more times in this community than White House officials have left/been removed from their positions in the Trump administration!" I promise this is the last time and then I'll be out of your hair. On a more serious note, I am making this post to inform you all that I will be retiring from my position on the Board of Directors effective this coming Monday.

 

Before I go into my reasons for this decision, I'd like to take a moment to reflect on my time here and share some of my thoughts with you. It's very humbling to look back on it all and compare that to where all of this has brought me both here and in my life. When I joined this place, I was a 15 year old kid about to head into my Junior year of high school. I used to play Counter-Strike: Source and other PC games very frequently when I was younger than that, but I only returned to them and subsequently joined this place for one reason - I was trying to find an escape from everything around me. I'd bet if you ask anyone how good an idea that was, they'd consider it running away from your problems instead of facing them and is logic only befitting of a naive child. The truth is: I'd be making one of the best decisions possible in terms of getting out of the crossfire and then eventually drawing up the battle plans to go on the offensive against the issues that haunted me.

 

I vividly remember my joyous experiences here - including playing the servers and other games with various people here and the lengthy conversations on TeamSpeak. I also remember the mindset I had to try and do what was necessary to prove my worth and become an admin here and eventually move up in the ranks. I often cringe at what I thought was the best route in doing so like making the ungodly amount of player complaints I did, some of which were for the most minor offenses. However, I chalk that up to me just being an immature and overall stupid kid. The one thing I do admire about myself back then was the passion I had in me that led me to persistently trying to make strides. Through trial and error, I eventually was vetted by the community and deemed to be able to handle the responsibilities that came with being an admin. That was a defining moment for me here, because I knew my time at this community from that point on would be one of unrelenting servitude and would teach me one of the most important lessons in life - the satisfaction of getting where you want to be through hard work and dedication. Prior to this moment, I can admit that I had lived a life where this was foreign to me because I was a kid who never really had to bust his balls for anything. Well, a good amount of you know the story of my time here from that point onward so I'll lay that one to rest.

 

Throughout the almost 7 years that I have been in and out of this community, I have a laundry list of experiences that have helped define who I am today. I had the absolute privilege of meeting people who would become very close friends and a few who are like family to me. I've had numerous feelings throughout my journey here - those of happiness and anger, love and hatred, satisfaction and disappointment. The arguments I've had here have given me a few gray hairs and the laughs I've had have added a few years onto my life. Without going through all of this, I will never know what kind of person I would have turned out to be. And while I have my fair share of regrets, I like to think that without the accidents and mistakes, I wouldn't have been able to be involved in what I have had the fortune to be a part of.

 

I look back and realize that the person I am today is consequently different from who I was back then. Going from a dickhead to a dickhead that's a couple inches taller is a change that I completely overlooked over the years until this very moment. All joking aside, I admit that I used to be an annoying asshole who struggled with commitment here, felt entitled to be in the know about everything going on, and eventually turned against everything I worked hard for/cared about. I think a few years of having the right people kick me in the ass both here and in real life helped me grow out of that real quick, especially the year I was removed from the community for my shit attitude and involvement in the harassment of this place - to put it short. I can confidently say that time off from the community was a very humbling experience - in that it made me realize how much I fucked up and fired up the engine in order for me to go down the path of righting my wrongdoings. I wanted to prove that what I did in a time of extreme weakness was not the definition of my character and certainly not who I wanted to be known for during my time here. After some time off already, I was graciously given another chance despite almost no one wanting me back was something I knew I didn't deserve but I was glad to have. That was yet another defining moment in my life and taught me another lesson - the power of forgiveness and that being on the receiving end of it gives you a whole new perspective and truly makes you a more appreciative person.

 

After all of my time in here at SG, I look back now and know that this is the destination that my journey will mark it's end at. I've stepped down from the community numerous times before and have always left with either a sense of distaste from something that happened behind the scenes or regret because it was an impulsive decision. This time is different as I'll be leaving with a sense of completion and fulfillment. Look at how much we have built here as a community - we've grown exponentially over the years despite having times of hardship and internal conflict. This is not attributed to any one person, but by all of us. From the past and previous presidents to the member who hardly posts on our forums but frequents our servers, we are all a contributing factor to the expansion and endurance of this community. This community is a network for those to do so much - whether that be to play games together, to share ideas and opinions, or to just bond with other members. All of you have played your part in making this place so special and providing aid to those who have needed it most, including a kid (now man) who has and still does struggle with a lot in life and wanted an escape at one point. Anything that I have been able to say that I was a part of accomplishing is nothing without the help, guidance, and wisdom that you all have been so kind to bestow upon and share with me. While I know I'm not a good person now, I can say I'm better than who I was when I first joined and became better each day because of you.

 

Now, I'll get onto why I've come to make this decision. I've been through a lot in my life, and sometimes those hardships have chained me down. I've recently had an eye opening moment where I've realized that some of those chains are broken, and that those that still remain are ones that require my full attention to be able to break and become totally free. Therefore, I feel that this is my time to leave as I simply need to go and live my life outside of SG. There is so much of my life to live and I now feel content with myself in terms of repenting for my actions and misdeeds that I have brought upon this community. As hard as it is to say goodbye, I know it's a necessary step in order for me to continue my growth and go on my personal journey - to live out my life in happiness and pay it forward to those in need of help much like this place has done for me.

 

I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a lump in my throat or tears rolling down my face as I've typing this out. This is due to the profound impact that this community has made on my life is one that I will cherish until the day I die and could never be more thankful for. So if there is any wisdom that I can endow on those who are currently here and for the future generations of SG like the wisdom that has been provided to me, it's this - do not give up, ever. You are worth a whole lot and while times may be tough and the words people can say may hurt, you are a beautiful soul and it is worth fighting on because there is no greater feeling than standing aside the corpses of your demons and knowing that you have conquered them. Do not let your past be indicative of who you can be - strive to be a better person (even in the smallest of ways) and prove that you are worth it despite what others may feel. Lastly - values like kindness, compassion, and respect go a long way. Even absolute pieces of shit will feel remorse and want to learn from their actions if you choose not to close the door on them by showing them forgiveness and love. I haven't been to church in years and can't say I'm much of a Catholic compared to what I used to be, but those are virtues that everyone can benefit from, regardless of religion. At this point, you can call this post whatever you'd like but I'm kind of consider it to be an odd combination of a resignation and a love letter to this community.

 

Finally, I'd like to address a few other things before I make my departure. To those who have wronged me, all is forgiven and I hope that you are able to move forward in your life with success and good fortune. As for those who I have wronged, I hope that in my time here I have been able to at least prove to you that I mean it when I say that I regret what I have done. I don't ever expect forgiveness, but I want you to know that who I am now hopes that what I've done to you has not cut deep and that you are happy and have the nothing but the best going for you.

 

Goodbye, Steam-Gamers. Thanks for the memories, and I wish nothing but the absolute best for this place and everyone in it moving forward. I love you all from the bottom of my heart.

[Black Rain]

Dunno if you remember this but you were the first person to give me a warm welcome into this community. The first person to actually get to know me and became a good friend. Always been great to me and the one to convince me to apply for admin lol. Thanks Erik =]

[Dominic]

I know damn well we're not gonna stop talking or anything, but I'll still throw some emotional shit into this thread.

 

When I first interacted with you after your unban, you weren't someone I thought was going to become this close to me. I suppose I figured you would've just thought I was an annoying little kid like most of the other people during that time. Our relationship progressed pretty quickly and we became really close friends, and I couldn't have been any more appreciative of this because of the atmosphere surrounding squeaky children back then. We started talking more and more and it never really stopped until you eventually came to be one of the people I trust and appreciate most, not only in this community, but also in general. I'm glad the BDs decided to unban you when you appealed, I'm glad I happened to be there to greet you upon your return, and I'm glad we've become this close over the years.

 

Just know you made this community much more enjoyable for me, because that's really what a community is about, the people. SG has provided me with a laundry list of things I'm thankful for, and you're at the top of it man.

 

Cya pussy.

[TheZZL]

From the first time I talked to you I just knew you were a great guy. It was only a few months ago I was able to have a conversation or two here or there with you, and somehow figure out who you were. I like to think of you as a role model to me extr3m3, you're always kind and respectful to everyone you meet, just like you said to be. I aspire to be like you and reading that last paragraph really made my eyes tear up a little bit. I truly wish you have an amazing future and I hope to be able to talk to you again. Goodbye

[Asher]

Cya Erik i'll miss you

 

also i cried when i read about your story in SG, coming from a foreigner btw.

[BoM]

Friend, its funny after all these years to see you being the one taking twerps under your wing and showing them how to be civilized, but that's how it goes if you do it right. You're gonna look back here in a few years and see the same cycle and you'll be feeling old as shit too. Just remember that SG is home and you can always come back.

 

[case]

bye extr3m3. you probably dont know me but i met you in the ts and you were not rude and overall chill. Hope you have a good time!

[WickedZealot]

Thanks for everything man and a great post to read that felt whole & from the soul. See you around the place

[Synk]

Love ya man and you know we all love ya here at SG, truly hope to play with you sometime mate but for now au revoir!

[Dong]

I’d like to first thank you for all the hard work that you’ve put into this community. You are one of the most authentic and real person I’ve ever met. I respect everything that you’ve gone through to get to this point. You deserved to be at the point where you are now. Your whole character arc is like straight out of a movie. I often find my self being able to relate to you in many ways in this community. You’ve always acted as the middle man for when I ever had questions to the higher ups. You saw both sides of the situations and were able to lay them out to me. Thank you once again for all that you’ve done and I hope that all goes well in your life. Take it easy man.

 

I'll be leaving you with a song that reminds me of your time here.