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Deterioration...

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What is scary? What can you define as horrifying? Some people fear spiders, snakes, cars, anything. But my true thought of fear is losing what once was thought. Losing my head is the scariest thing I think one could stay horrified with.


Losing yourself, fading away from everyone else, while you're still alive is horrifying. One second you know how to cook, the next you can't tell the difference between rice and water. I don't want to lose any semblance of who I am. But only god knows where life will take me. I could die young. I could die old, do I decide that? Nope. No one does.

 

Deterioration, something we don't want but inevitably will happen. We will all deteriorate, one way or another. Natural, but not. Relieving, but not.

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This honestly doesn't sound like the worst thing. Everyone starts losing marbles eventually, forgetting things and people they once knew. The accelerated rate can't be fun, but you're probably too far gone to notice or care at that point.

 

On the other hand, I've recently had a small taste of what it's like being on the opposite end of it and it's the most fucked up I've been in a while. Watching someone you once knew slip through your fingers and become almost unrecognizable while you just watch is absolutely crushing.

 

Cherish your loved ones while you have them, young and old. It's ridiculous how quick life passes by.

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As someone who works in the emergency medical field and sometimes having to deal with more elderly patients you see a lot of people who have life threatening conditions and watching from a distance as those families say their goodbyes and there's nothing you can do it's probably one of the most painful things I've ever felt. I choose this path in life to study and better myself as a person to help others but when you can't and can only let the inevitable happen it's truly heartbreaking. 

 

While personally I'm not scared of death or how I'm going to die, I have more of a "fear" or really a lack of being able to comprehend what might happen after my death. While I'm curious on what lies behind that wall of life and death I'm in no rush to find out what's there. Oh and fuck ledges that shit is scary.

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8 minutes ago, Gentoo said:

 

This honestly doesn't sound like the worst thing. Everyone starts losing marbles eventually, forgetting things and people they once knew. The accelerated rate can't be fun, but you're probably too far gone to notice or care at that point.

 

On the other hand, I've recently had a small taste of what it's like being on the opposite end of it and it's the most fucked up I've been in a while. Watching someone you once knew slip through your fingers and become almost unrecognizable while you just watch is absolutely crushing.

 

Cherish your loved ones while you have them, young and old. It's ridiculous how quick life passes by.

I remember listening to this a couple months ago, the entire feeling of losing my senses, feeling light and distant was as I said, relieving but not.

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