There were three horny dogs (A British bulldog, A German shephard and a Chihuaha)
A poodle walked by and she says "Ill let one of you fuck me if you can use liver and cheese in the same sentence"
The Bulldog says "I hate liver and cheese"
She says "Nope that wont work"
The German shephard says "I love liver and cheese"
She says "Nope that wont work"
The Chihuaha says "Liver alone cheese mine"
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Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want
to see.
The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and
calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior
officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this
car and murdered the owner.
Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car,
please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The first officer is stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving
license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and
hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and
examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't
have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked
up the owner.
Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.
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Two blondes walked into a bar.....you'd think at least one of them would have saw it.
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What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
There are skid marks in front of the dog.
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How many Country Singers does it take to change a lightbulb?
5, 1 to change it, and 4 to sing about how much they miss the old one ...
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Why did the 1st elephant fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
Why did the 2nd elephant fall out of the tree?
He was glued to the first.
Why did the 3rd elephant fall out of the tree?
He thought it was a game.
Why did the tree fall down?
He thought he was an elephant
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How many elephants fit into a VW bug?
4
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How do you know if an elephant has been in your fridge?
There is one peanut butter trail.
How do you know if two elephants have been in your fridge?
There are two peanut butter trails.
How do you know if there's been three elephants in your fridge?
There's three peanut butter trails.
How do you know if there's been four elephants in your fridge?
There's a VW Bug parked out front.
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