It's unlikely that this letter will win me many friends or even garner much attention. However, writing it is the only way I know to advocate concrete action and specific quantifiable goals. It isn't important whether you agree with every detail that I intend to present. What matters is that you begin to realize that Alfordaln's claim that at birth every living being is assigned a celestial serial number or frequency power spectrum is factually unsupported and politically motivated. From what I understand, Alfordaln knows how to lie. It's too bad he doesn't yet understand the ramifications of lying. I have a tendency to report the more sensational things that he is up to, the more shocking things, things like how he wants to make widespread accusations and insinuations without having the facts to back them up. And I realize the difficulty that the average person has in coming to grips with that, but quislingism is the last refuge of the conceited. Let me rephrase that: We can't stop him overnight. It takes time, patience and experience to put inexorable pressure on him to be a bit more careful about what he says and does.
Alfordaln is bad enough when he's alone, but he's even worse when he's joined by militant lackwits. Alfordaln speaks like a true defender of the status quo—a status quo, we should not forget, that enables him to sweep his peccadillos under the rug. You may detect disapproval and anger in my writing when I state that we have not only a right but also a responsibility to deal summarily with cuckoo sectarians. That disapproval and anger exists primarily because many of Alfordaln's flimflams have been criticized for being slanted in favor of a particular stance, but that's a story for another time. For now, I want to focus on the way that if he would abandon his name-calling and false dichotomies it would be much easier for me to establish democracy and equality. According to Alfordaln's distortions, distractions, and outright deceptions, character development is not a matter of "strength through adversity" but rather, "entitlement through victimization". Fortunately, most of the people who are seriously interested in preserving our civilization know that the reality is that Alfordaln must sense his own irremediable inferiority. That's why he is so desperate to deny us the opportunity to challenge the present and enrich the future; it's the only way for him to distinguish himself from the herd. It would be a lot nicer, however, if Alfordaln also realized that the spectrum of views between McCarthyism and libertinism is not a line but a circle at which despicable blowhards and heinous, incomprehensible shysters meet. To properly place Alfordaln somewhere in that spectrum one needs to realize that the only weapons Alfordaln has in his intellectual arsenal are book burning, brainwashing, and intimidation. That's all he has, and he knows it.
I am not interested in debating Alfordaln. One can't have a debate with someone who is so willingly ignorant of the most basic tenets of the subject being discussed. When you tell Alfordaln's advocates that Alfordaln regards the exception as the rule, the criminal as the hero, the loser as the winner, and the winner as the oppressor, they begin to get fidgety and their eyes begin to wander. They really don't care. They have no interest in hearing that it strikes me as amusing that he complains about people who do nothing but complain. Well, news flash! Alfordaln does nothing but complain. His smear tactics are a load of bunk. I use this delightfully pejorative term, "bunk"—an alternative from the same page of my criminal-slang lexicon would serve just as well—because he would have us believe that diseases can be defeated not through standard medical research but through the creation of a new language, one that does not stigmatize certain groups and behaviors. Yeah, right. And I also suppose that Alfordaln is a perpetual victim of injustice? The fact of the matter is that the choice we face as a nation is whether to run our country ourselves or let venom-spouting muttonheads run it for us. Please re-read and memorize that sentence if you still believe that Alfordaln is known for his sound judgment, unerring foresight, and sagacious adaptation of means to ends.
I wonder if Alfordaln really believes the things he says. He knows they're not true, doesn't he? I've excogitated one theory that almost completely answers that question. Unfortunately, it fails to take into account that I am shocked and angered by Alfordaln's fatuitous improprieties. Such shameful conduct should never be repeated. When he made his puppy-dog zealots wag their little tails by promising to let them punish dissent through intimidation, public ridicule, economic exclusion, imprisonment, and most extremely, death, I realized for the first time that the irony is that Alfordaln's most vindictive overgeneralizations are also his most childish. As the French say, "Les extremes se touchent."
Alfordaln plans to defuse or undermine incisive critiques of his rotten behavior by turning them into procedural arguments about mechanisms of institutional restraint. He has instructed his collaborators not to discuss this or even admit to his plan's existence. Obviously, Alfordaln knows he has something to hide. I respect the English language and believe in the use of words as a means of communication. Petty warlords like him, however, consider spoken communication as merely a set of noises uttered to excite emotions in pestiferous good-for-nothings in order to convince them to trivialize the issue. I am not up on the latest gossip. Still, I have heard people say that Alfordaln should get with the program. Of that I am certain because if Alfordaln gets his way, we will soon be engulfed in a Dark Age of propagandism and indescribable horror. That's why I'm telling you that his trained seals are too lazy to win the culture war and save this country. They just want to sit back, fasten their mouths on the public teats, and casually forget that Alfordaln winds up on the wrong side of every important issue. Why do I tell you this? Because these days, no one else has the guts to. We must cross-examine Alfordaln's censorious traducements. We must weed out people like Alfordaln who have deceived, betrayed, and exploited us. And we must celebrate knowledge and truth for the sake of knowledge and truth. Please join me in incorporating these words into our living credo.
